Part-time Ethereum fanatic, full-time crypto clown. He’s convinced every market wiggle is Ethereum whispering, “I’m gonna make you rich, buddy!”

Zoomer’s the friend who throws a party every time ETH ticks up and considers every dip a “buy-one-get-one-free” sale. Tag along for laughs as he navigates the crypto rollercoaster with more enthusiasm than sense—because if there’s a bull run, Zoomer’s already planning the yacht party.